Knees Flexed, Ready to Move in ANY DIRECTION

Just waiting on my Signal Chat to tell me where to go

There’s a couple of small moments in a baseball game that I love more than any others. They speak to who I am as an artist, too. I’d like to tell you about them and then of course, we will solve the big problem of the day – if using an ‘em dash’ like I just did means that ChatGPT wrote the thing you’re reading.

These small moments in a baseball game aren’t the home run, or the stolen base, or even something rarer like a well-placed sacrifice bunt. But the bunt is getting close to how small a moment I’m talking about. The reason it isn’t one of my two favorites is that when it does happen, everyone is watching it because it’s at an important part of the game, where someone making a sacrifice will be noticed. It’s like being at a demonstration but only jumping to the front to put a flower in a soldier’s rifle as a sign of peace when you know Erin Burnett from CNN’s camera is rolling. Remember when protests had things like long stem flowers being put into rifles of soldiers? Try that now, and you’ll be detained immediately for assaulting a federal officer during the course of them executing their mission. Just sort of rolls out of the keyboard doesn’t it? The moments I’m describing are like being the person at a demonstration that brought milk to help with tear gassed eyes and handing out cards that alert you to your rights before any cameras show up.

Are we talking about protests? Or baseball, Peter?

Baseball. Okay. Two small moments that I love more than anything. And I already thought of a third one, but it may not count for reasons of being done at a moment in the game where everyone is watching. We’ll see how the rest of this goes and if I can keep it about baseball, instead of the gripping fear that is constantly vibrating below the surface inside me. OKAY!

The first one is when the catcher and starting pitcher walk in from the bullpen before the game starts. This is a time for them to be alone with each other. The warmup pitches have been thrown, and now everything is about to start. It’s go time. If you watch that walk, you can see a veteran catcher calming a rookie pitcher’s nerves, whispering about sticking to the game plan. Or two partners who’ve done this a thousand times, walking like Val Kilmer and Kurt Russell towards a showdown, silently connected by brotherhood, not needing to say anything to each other. And many other variations on this. It has an anticipation to it, and you only see it on TV when a pitcher is about to hit a milestone of some sort. 2000, 3000 strikeouts, or they are going for their 20^th win, or something. If you are at a game, take a look towards the outfield before the game and watch for that walk to happen. It’s great.

This shot was on TV because these two set a record for number of games they were a duo on the mound and behind plate. The great Molina and the also great Wainwright.

The second one involves a catcher, too. But it’s even smaller. When a team that’s hitting gets three outs, they have to switch and become the team in the field. I realize how elementary that sounds, but I really try to keep aware of how my obsessions may not be your obsessions and I want you to come along with me on my writing. And the catcher is the one player who has a LOT OF GEAR to put on before he goes to work. Mask, shin guards, chest protector, helmet. He looks like a guy who just got asked to referee a fight between alligators in a wading pool. And speaking of, I just found out Alligator Alcatraz isn’t a place to keep alligators and crocodiles. And it’s nowhere near Alcatraz Island either. Live and learn. This isn’t about that, it’s about baseball! Stay focused, PM. It naturally flows that as slow as you think baseball might be if you’re not a fan, they generally like to keep things moving along when they can. So, if a catcher is, for example, on second base when the inning is over and has to get all that gear on before taking his position, the backup catcher will hustle out and warm up the pitcher until the catcher has his gear on. Time savings.

But what I want to talk about is what happens if the catcher is on deck to hit. There’s a hitter up at bat, and he’s due to go next. He’s standing in the on deck circle, bat in hand, ready to go. And if there’s already two outs, the batter could make the third out, and the catcher won’t get to bat AND he’ll have to hustle back to the dugout and get all that gear on. A big lose-lose situation. So what usually happens is the catcher goes to the on deck circle, wearing his shin guards, JUST IN CASE. It says, I know there’s two outs, but I’m ready to go either way. Batter gets a hit, I get a chance to hit. Batter makes an out, I can be ready to warm up the pitcher that much faster.

The Transcendent Yogi Berra on deck wearing shin guards? Guess how many outs?

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. Here’s why. It’s one of the traditions of baseball that you just learn along the way. If you lose track of the game, and you see someone in the on-deck circle wearing catcher shin guards, BOOM. You know at the very least that there are two outs. But so what? Modern scoreboards can you show you that. Just look up, okay? I LOVE A CATCHER ON DECK WITH TWO OUTS WEARING SHIN GUARDS because it’s being ready for ANYTHING that happens. A dozen catchers on deck with two outs wearing shin guards can raise a barn in Amish country faster than a town of Amish carpenters. A dozen catchers on deck with two outs wearing shin guards can break into the mutant lab of Jurassic World AND use duct tape and flashlights to build a high powered rifle to take out the corporate bad guy. Give me a dozen catchers on deck with two outs wearing shin guards and I can topple a government, if necessary.

Hold on. Why would I want to topple a government? THIS IS NOT ABOUT POLITICS, MURRIETA! I’m just saying that if I needed a team to do it, it would be catchers on deck with two outs wearing shin guards. That’s all. This is the untapped resource America needs at all times. People willing to be beat up by baseballs all the time so much they wear extra equipment and they are ready for ANYTHING.

And then, the extra special reason to love this. The thing that puts it WAY OVER THE TOP. Even bigger than the third thing I was going to tell you about but decided two paragraphs ago wasn’t going to make the cut (a pitcher getting rocked but staying in the game to eat up innings to save the team for the next day). Even bigger than all those great reasons to love this, is something you rarely see among the rarely seen.

Let’s say you’re a pitcher. You know the rules of the game. The spoken and written rules. As well as the unspoken and unwritten rules. You know if there’s two outs, and the catcher’s on deck he’s supposed to be wearing shin guards. You’re the pitcher who knows this. Who knows the bases are loaded and you’re only ahead by two runs. That if the batter gets a hit, it will probably be a tie game. But if you strike him out, you survive and thrive. And you look over for a second at the on deck circle. What do you see? A catcher, on deck, with two outs. But HE ISN’T WEARING SHIN GUARDS. And he smiles a tiny bit, and sort of waves at you. Know what that fucker just did? He just told you HOW CONFIDENT he is that you don’t have your shit together at all. HE KNOWS you are about to give up the game tying hit and that he’s coming up to bat with a chance to win the game. This is one confident motherfucker here.

A Catcher On Deck With Two Outs Wearing Shin Guards is like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction.

A Catcher On Deck With Two Outs NOT Wearing Shin Guards is like Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

So if you see me out and about during these times of trouble. If you drive by a Home Depot, or the Flower Mart downtown. If you are in the park and see a crowd, look for me. I’ll have shin guards on, and a bat, and I’ll be ready for whatever. Because I am –

The Most Important Chicano In Hollywood That You Don’t Know About

PS: The Em dash ChatGPT thing is a real thing. I have been reading that people are using any text that has an em dash as proof that AI wrote it. Only problem is if you’re a autodidact like I am, and for the most part taught yourself how to write. Then you use that damn dash anytime you’re not sure if it should be a “-” or a “:” or a “;” - fear grips you as you sort of remember a high school teacher saying that one of these is used for lists and one is for phrases that connect in some way. And then you want to lay down on the cool tile of the classroom and go to sleep. LONG LIVE THE EM DASH!

PPS: When I was a Little League Coach, we had an amazing team for a few years that won their league and went pretty far in the playoffs, making it one year all the way to regionals. And when it came to mind games and things like I just wrote about with a catcher NOT wearing shin guards with two outs while on deck, we had our own gameplay we loved. During tournaments or playoffs, there was a coin toss to see who would be home team. Home team gets to bat last in the bottom half of each inning, meaning they get the final chance to score. And it allows them to “walk off” with a win in the 9th inning (or extra innings) without needing to finish the inning if they take the lead. In the history of a coin flip to choose who gets to be home team, I think we were the only team that would win the flip and then say, “We’ll bat first, you can be the home team.” Sometimes we wouldn’t even let the umpire flip the coin. We’d just walk out to home plate and say, “We’re okay being visitors, we’d like to bat first.” We liked being able to score early and often and we liked the confidence of saying this out loud.

We are still growing thanks to all of you. And I’m very excited about that. Tell someone you know about this place here. Word of mouth is the best way to grow things.